Don’t Take Feedback Too Seriously

Top-of-head reactions from other team members should be encouraged, because we can trust the receiver to use their best judgment on what, if anything, to do with it.

Summary:

• Norms around feedback tend to reflect (and reinforce) the power dynamics of a group. And since self-managed teams (like in Holacracy®) distribute authority across the team rather than centralizing it, you should also expect the norms around feedback to be different.
• While there are lots of different kinds of feedback, this article’s focus is on “Non-deliberative feedback” (a term I’m making up), which is a top-of-head reaction or opinion someone gives without extensive deliberation or certainty.
• Non-deliberative feedback increases in a healthy self-managed team, but can feel awkward or unintuitive because it is given as a gift (or should be) for someone to consider, and can be integrated without agreement or sometimes even a response.
• This kind of feedback increases in self-managed teams because decision making authority has been distributed; meaning each person is expected to use their own best judgment about what feedback they can use and what feedback they can safely ignore.
• I was confused by this kind of feedback during my first year with HolacracyOne, but once I understood non-deliberative feedback (and the expectations around it), I realized its benefits as well as some better and worse ways of doing it.
• This article describes non-deliberative feedback and gives some concrete advice (and sentence stems) on how to use it effectively.

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When I first joined HolacracyOne about 10 years ago, its reputation as a company pioneering a new wave of self-management practices was just beginning to get into the mainstream. I was eager to contribute what I knew about leadership and learning, but knew I had a lot to learn about this new way of working.

One of the early (and counter intuitive) lessons I learned was how to properly “integrate” feedback from my business partners. And I say, “integrate” because well, I didn’t really understand what it meant when it came to feedback.

I didn’t know then that you can integrate feedback simply by considering it. Maybe you do something with it, or maybe just drop it. Of course, not every opinion or idea is valuable (which is why you want to get lots of them).

And since decision making is distributed across a self-managed team, each person is expected to use their own best judgment about what feedback to use and what feedback to safely ignore. This, in turn, means more feedback. Shared more quickly. About more things.

Feedback then, doesn’t have to be a big deal. And sometimes the bigger a deal it becomes, the less of it you’ll typically get. Here’s how I learned that for myself.

New to Self-Management

As an asynchronous team member, I would often get messages from coworkers with their feedback about some work artifact I had produced (always about teaching Holacracy®), which I would always take very seriously. But occasionally a really strange thing would happen.

For example, I might get some feedback that a metaphor I used didn’t quite land the right way. And since I really enjoy exploring the nuances of language, I might respond with my understanding of their argument, with some additional reasoning for why I wanted to keep it in.

But then I would get a weird response to my message with some private message like, “Hey man, seems like you’re being defensive…” or, “Whoa, whoa, I’m just saying…(with some additional restating of their opinion).”

This was completely baffling to me. I would think something like, “Let me get this straight: Someone drops some feedback on me out-of-the-blue about something, but when I respond to that feedback, suddenly it’s ME being defensive?! Or, it’s ME taking it too seriously!? What about THEM!? Why are they bringing up a topic if they don’t want to talk it!?”

One day when I was complaining about this confusing pattern of interaction to someone else who had recently joined the company, they said, “Oh yeah, you know what I do? I just say, ‘thanks’ and ignore it.” And that was it. That was their whole strategy.

I couldn’t believe it. It seemed…so…so…disrespectful. “You don’t ask questions!?” “You don’t explain your reasoning!?” I asked.

My business partner continued, “Well, sure, sometimes I do, but often their feedback is just being thrown around, you know? Like, they read something, had a reaction, and then sent you the message. It’s not more complicated than that. They are leaving it up to you to decide what, if anything, to do with it.” And then, suddenly, it all made sense.

Understanding Non-Deliberative Feedback

The random Feedbackers weren’t providing feedback expecting to get into a conversation about their feedback. They probably would have agreed to discuss things if I had asked them to engage in one, but I hadn’t.

Essentially, in my mind, they were the ones who initiated the conversation. But to them, since they were just providing data, I was acting like a crazy driver arguing with his gauge cluster.

Suddenly, I could see it differently. They were offering feedback as a gift. I could use it or do nothing with it. They didn’t care. In Holacracy-language, they didn’t feel any “tension” with the issues they highlighted; at least not beyond what they had explicitly expressed in their message.

If they had an additional request, or wanted more information about my reasoning, they could ask for it. Otherwise, I could safely assume that a, “thanks” was enough. It was a good lesson on how relaxing into other people’s power can be disorienting.

But I also learned something else about myself. I realized that my motivation for responding to their feedback was driven, at least sometimes, from an unconscious desire for approval. I was new to the company and I was unsure of myself. So, I treated all the feedback I got very seriously, often far more seriously than the person who gave it because I wanted their approval, if only informally, for the choices I was making.

After that realization, regardless of how awkward it felt, I tried just saying, “Thanks.” Or, “Gotcha. I’ll consider it” to feedback. Even though it sometimes felt like I was blithely ignoring it, I had to remind myself that “integrating” the feedback (i.e. deciding what if anything to do with it), doesn’t require having to communicate my final decision or reasoning to the person who gave it.

And, it worked! Not only was I surprised to find that people really didn’t feel like I owed them an explicit reaction, but I was also surprised to find how much faster and freer I felt as a result.

Tips: Better and Worse Ways to Do It

You’ll use non-deliberative feedback appropriately when you understand how feedback in general tends to reflect and reinforce power dynamics, because it seems to me that the quality and quantity of feedback within a system (or interaction) is directly proportional to how clear the authorities are.

With that in mind, here are some tips on how to do it well.

DO:

• Proactively encourage others to share their top-of-head thoughts, but make it clear you’re owning the decision. (Hint: Calling them “reactions,” helps).
  • “Hey, I’m looking for some initial reactions to…”
  • “I’m trying to improve X and I really want your opinions or reactions on…”
  • “I feel comfortable making the decision, but I’d like to gather some reactions first so that I make the right one…”
• Share non-deliberative feedback with others, but make it clear that you both recognize their authority to make the decision, and also that you are actually relying on them to use their own judgment.
  • “Some top-of-head thoughts for you to consider…”
  • “Don’t let me make this decision for you, but I was thinking…”
  • “…but of course, I leave the decision up to you.”
• Structure role accountabilities or policies to require “integration” of feedback when necessary. Again, “integration” just means that someone will consider the feedback they are given. An accountability that says, “Integrating feedback from X” is often a more elegant solution than, “Collecting feedback from…” or, “Collaborating with…” or, “Working with…”

DON’T

• Pretend that you don’t care about something you actually do care about. Recognize when you expect the receiver to actually DO something with your feedback, and be clear about what that expectation is. Again, there is nothing wrong with providing serious feedback, or sharing feedback and making a request or pitch based on it, but get clear for yourself on what you need.
  • “I want to pitch you on…”
  • “I have some ideas for you and I want to discuss them with you…”
  • “…I might something else on this, but I’m not sure. I’ll schedule with you…”
• Drop feedback out of the air and then disown any responsibility to clarify your intentions. Even if you don’t take the feedback you’re giving very seriously, and even if it just seems like data to you, sometimes it’s not interpreted that way. It’s understandable that a person may get attached or identified with something they create or a decision they made, and so it helps to be sensitive to that possibility.
  • “Hey, I have some feedback for you. How would you like to receive it?”
  • “You probably already thought of this, but…”
  • “This shouldn’t be interpreted as a request for anything, I just wanted to share…”
• Assume that every piece of feedback requires a thorough response. Take notes on other’s ideas and opinions based on your own judgement of what makes sense to consider, but do that later. Trust others to process their own tensions, and if they need anything else (e.g. what you think about their opinion), let them ask. You don’t have to avoid doing that, just don’t assume you have to.
  • “Thanks for the feedback! I’ll take it into consideration.”
  • “Hmmm…interesting. Thanks!”
  • “Gotcha. Let me know if you want to discuss further or want a response from me. Otherwise, I’ll assume you’re good. Thanks again!”